Dear Friends,

I will write about why I ended up at wad-psy-1 (full version: ward-psychiatry-1), general hospital of Kuala Lumpur or rather why I was beaten up by thugs and thuggy (female thug), it involves a certain Indian national called Moorthy - a 19 year old demised boy/young man...who was working at the thuggy's provision shop at Permai Court 2, my current home/office/abode/haven/meditation place...the following happened at ward...it was all happenings that opened my already opened eyes to many new experiences that I treasure...I love those folks/inmates there that I bought them all vanilla coke and sweet corn each when I went for my appt. on Monday 25th June 2006. I had some cash stashed from the insurance policy that I sold...more money coming tomorrow for pigeons etc. but I need them to survive for the next 6 months (min), so please be kind to the pigeons of Kuala Pilah and give them a home and some food.


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I am sitting in a single bed with my back leaning over the bed stand, biting through a green apple that my dear friend Joanna had bought for me earlier today. Someone had said “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”. The apple is crunchy and juicy and sweet (I am typing as it is without any changes – cutting out all those that I deleted) & sour. As I munch it, I think of my ex friend Sant Kaur back in Kuala Pilah in between the years 1980-1983(5) (lower primary from 1-3). Post script – actually it’s until 1985; from 5 – drugged stupor or short term memory lost – dunno. She was/is a popular money lenders daughter and had a huge house and a cash to spare. Since my sisters (p/s kannagi and valar as van was carted off to India in dunno – for – ya…1977 – 1981 – I think…more later) & her sisters were friends, we were thrown together due to same age group and she would always have to go to the provision 7 fruit shop and pick out best green apple and polish it with hankerchief (p/s does this word still exists? Correct spelling ah?) until it shone and then bit with relish. I used to watch with wonder (p/s and hunger). Guess what? (p/s DT: tamil word: ninaikkireh yennaa; not DT: yennaa ninaikkireh). Kandasamy too noticed it. (p/s Kandasamy raped….read: amaravathy1.blogspot.com). He says it’s a beautiful site to see this women of 16 eat/consume apple. Have you ever wondered why we don’t eat apple core? I read in Readers Digest (I think) that the seed is the most nutritious part of a fruit as it contains the entire tree of the species. Does this make sense? Today I started eating the entire green apple and it felt so good because I no longer practice waste culture. Deleted item: however I did choke can someone confirm if I am doing the right thing?

The inmates of war-psy-1 (Direct Translation: Psychiatric Ward 1) throw apple core out in between the plants that can be seen and touched through the bars. There are white trumpet plants – ready to bloom, bouginvilla of red, pink and orange (p/s I think I mucked up the colors because of drugged stupor…or maybe just didn’t notice the colors well) and some very young plants yet to be identified. What am I doing at ‘wad-psy-1’ of General Hospital Kuala Lumpur? I know. I know too much. I fee too much. I hear too much. I love too much. I write too much. Is that wrong?

There’s a girl opposite me, not directly but a bed to my right. Since last night, she had decided to sleep naked. Is this an invitation to share her bed? This morning in the shower, another women casually pushed open the door and asked for tooth brush and tooth paste when she had them both (p/s in her palms). Is this request to shower together? The doors in the bathrooms are latch-less and all exit & entrance and windows are heavily locked. Am I to be flattered or flabbergasted or renal gassed? What is renal gassed? Does this means fart? I have been since I came here and it smells of poison gas sold at Pagoda Penang : it’s sulphor dioxide – unlike my other inmates I enjoys (p/s enjoy – drugged stupor or just didn’t care about spellings anymore, never actually cared much for anything) this smell too.

The ward is in shocking pink with framed pictures of nature and info on schizophrenia and depression. I can’t read them because my reading glasses are at home and baskaran won’t help me bring them. I have been left in the custody of the good doctors and nurses. But they trust baskaran to take care of me. But he is having a (deleted item: gala) field time make me beg for the following:

0. pay saman (p/s it was an after thought, so I put it under no. o, I think we need to re-think our numbering system, what is math without a zero man…rakyat (DT: Citizen) what do you think?) kereta (dt: car; not dt: kai spetera – am laughing because kai in Chinese means chicken and I love kai fan – dt: chicken rice but have not had a chance to have them…forgot, the melaka one is absolutely fabulous, maybe its time to drive to Melaka for kai fan…ha!ha!).

to return:
1. my wallet
2. to return my identification card (all Malaysians must have it to indicate that we are citizens as there are many foreigners here).
3. (p/s am typing all as it is, please excuse my writing) to return my car keys.
4. to return my house keys.
5. to collect my reading glasses
6. to collect my underwear as I have only 1 panty and 1 bra.
7. to collect my book I-god by paranjothi Mahan
8. to collect Note book
9. to collect handphone & buy a charger
10. to collect & return 2 sim cards, and collect another sim card that the thugs broke.
11. to make a police report on my attack by 3 Indian males, 1 indian female & a Chinese male members of the rakyat (dt: citizen) Permai Court 2, a low cost building built for the poor squatter settlers of Ampang.
12. to call my AIA insurance agent to collect a cheque and bank it in at HSBC at lebuh pasar.
13. make 1 car payment of RM1200 that is due for towing on 21/6/07
14. pay rent RM500 to Catherine.
15. pay electricity bill.
WHAT AM I DOING HERE? No one here knows why I am here accept that it involves the police (p/s and Joanna, my so-called friend who assisted the police to make a police report that I am of a mental case..Joanna, please return my 3 days worth of writing that you were suppose to post at my site or another new site roti-canai.blogspot.com. did you? Please post it to my home and new office at PC2-15-01, Desa Permai, Taman Dato’ Ahmad Razali, 68000 Ampang, Selangor Darul Ehsan asap – this means as soon as possible…are you eating well Joanna? I trusted you and you betrayed me and made me a women scorned again but the NEW Earth site played some beautiful healing songs that had healed me from much of my wounds…thank you very much for that…I love you to). Have baskaran done anything about it? None.

I need to prepare my CV. How? (p/s minor confession – still got no mood to prepare CV as I have about RM12,000 to spare…oooppsss…yipes….please don’t tell anyone or try to steal from me like….never mind, another time….)

Post script: 7.45 a.m. – 17/6/07 (when I say p/s – its on the 26th June 2007 – today at 6.06pm.

I need some rest but I am heavily dosed with sleeping drugs and left in one of the most noisiest environment. Am I a guinea pig? Am I pembelot Negara? (DT: committed treason)? WHY AM I HERE?

Is it because my husband want me to be here? Today is the last day of Carrefour sales and I don’t want to miss it. Today is also the Green Fest 2007 (I think) at Forest Research Institute of Malaysia. I don’t think I can go for that as I am still in a drugged stupor. Please release me from this nut house as its driving me nuts. I need to know why I am here. As it happens at International Conferences, Dr. kamsiah said sweet words on Friday morning in my drugged stupor and left home to enjoy the weekend. Late Friday I realize ‘wallah’ (ya Allah!) I dah kena tipu (DT: I have been cheated – p/s not sure if it’s dt or not dt) by the doctors to stay in hospital for another 2 days so that they all can be at peace at home is it?

17th June ’07 – Sunday – 3.32p.m. Wad –Psy-1, General Hospital, Kuala Lumpur.

I want my life back. I want to live with Baskaran and I want to continue to be with Global Environment Centre (GEC). I want to help Civil Society Organisations (CSO) to address issues on climate change …more later….

Dear Friends, and fellow siblings of mother earth,

I am sungguh terharu dengan persembahan anda tadi that I cried (dt: very touched by performance your just now that I cried

Thank you for accepting me and listening to me. Our environment have many voices now and they said thank you to you too. We LOVE you too. Good night and au revior! I need to watch a movie – Cinderalla Part 3 – it’s a altered version of a cartoon, want to join me? How-lah? Ask Astro, they are good at what they do. I THANK THAM…. I mean we the environment thank them a lot. I fell on all 4 and kissed the ground (actually my orange colored carpet in my study/office/alter – by the way I have white men in my alter along with OSHO with his hands cuffed to the front – not the back like mine…ha!ha! I am better OSHO….romba thimir (DT: very arrogant)


17th June ’07 – Sunday – 3.32p.m. Wad –Psy-1, General Hospital, Kuala Lumpur.

I want my life back. I want to live with Baskaran and I want to continue to be with Global Environment Centre (GEC). I want to help Civil Society Organisations (CSO) to address issues on climate change and rapid loss of biodiversity. I want Toyota Foundation to give the meager RM147,465.00 (if possible more – all their allocations) to GEC, to assist CSOs take off in a way the global impact can be felt. I’ve found myself here at Wad-Psy-1, GH, KL (Ward Psychology-1, General Hospital, Kuala Lumpur). I thank the nurses and patience and the doctors to help me find myself. However I still like…

Faizal Duncan Parish, the Director of GEC is a passionate person. He came to Malaysia from Great Britain or United Kingdom (which is if Faizal) in 1980s and started Wetlands International, but then it was Asian Wetland Bureau (AWB). He gathered some of his environmental enthusiast friends John Howes, Taej Mundkur, John Davies, Rebecca & Tony D’ Cruz (they were/are an item), etc. I’ve met and worked with all. (p/s – 26th June 2007 - almost worked with John Davies and Tony D’Cruz).

Immediately after my graduation from UKM in 1996 with MSc. (Environmental Management) (p/s I think I was very scared – today is 26th June 2007) degree, I seeked for a job in environmental NGOs – meanwhile I worked as a PR Consultant at Binakomm. In Nov 96’ I joined (p/s joint) Wetlands International as Communications Officer. There I began to bloom as a environmental conservationist and I had the most beautiful time of my life (p/s one of the most beautiful times…today is 26th June 2007 and I am having another beautiful time writing this and meditation, musicking, dancing, and contemplating and Samadhi, once again SAMADHI for chants on Buddha in Pali).

2.55 p.m – (same as above) (p/s Wad-Psy-1, GH, KL)

We were just served a cup of tea and pandan cake (pandan is a kind of local leaf that smells divine (p/s just like me right now, last I showered was last night – 24 hrs ago – I think) - better than vanilla – I think – no they smell different. I took some 20 sec to think about both smells (p/s scent/aroma/fragrance – today is 26th June 2007 and it’s a beautiful night and day) because I am drugged by the govt and and in a slow stupor – mode – the more we try to run away from something the more it will haunt you – I suppose. I don’t want to be addicted to any substance but now I am forced by the doctors to be dependent on – met me get the named for you – abilify – 10mg & T. clonazepam (1 mg – 0.5mg) – (p/s mg was reduced due to ssevereer requeset from me and myselves) – is this bad? Is this legal drug? But it just meake mu mind sl,lllwlpoppoooowwwww…

Back to pandan cake – it was wrapped in plastic and the pandan smell (p/s scent/aroma/fragrance – today is 26th June 2007 and it’s a beautiful night and day) was altered completely because the has its own over powering (p/s earlier at the ward in pink ink – artificial) smell. Why can’t we find alternate materials to wrap food product that keeps it fresh and maintain its taste and aroma. I just saw an advertisement of Toyota Vios car in the star (p/s earlier at the ward in pink ink – local newspaper, p/s today 26yh June 2007 - that Wani worked for…are you still there Wani?). The car was parked on moon and the wide-eyed driver was checking out deep space and holding a map. (Another version of hitchhikers guide to galaxy… another time). If toyota can park cars on moon, why can’t the world help source for alternate cake wrappers?

I thank the government of Malaysia and the Ampang Jaya Police Station and Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital for landing me in this psychiatric hospital. It had helped me find myself and

Such interesting shoutings going on amidst the patience here. Wonder what happened? I was just caught in a fiery passion of writing…

8.p.m. 17/6/07

Yuvarani (p/s today 26th June 2007-my fellow inmate), she asks what year this is, born 1984 – (23 yrs) – 11.55p.m., she says don’t know what to say. [p/s today 26yh june 2007 – this piece is a bit mucked up because we were both drugged (I think) and trying to write fast…please have patience or patient with us]. She says I understand what’s in her heart – she loves someone when she was 14 years old (p/s today 26th june 2007 – wonder how long she’s here or in prison because she is really konked out as me… I mean as I was…I think). Before PMR (p/s today 26th June 2007 – PMR is a govt. exam you sit for when you’re either 15 or 16 depends on if you’re from tamil or Chinese schools or Malay school. If you’re from Tamil school like I am, we need to take the exam at 16 because we need a year to learn the malay language and up grade our knowledge on all at the age of 13 as the tamil schools were (maybe are) poorly maintained…I think…chinese schools, another time..) went to psy ward (p/s today 26th june 2007 – this is Yuvarani’s story not mine… yet or done? Drugged-ler…I think) I was v. thin but ppl say I was pregnant coz fat. I asked her of coz confusing – someone made her pregnant, she gave birth & gave baby to his family. I was pregnant, I heard abt. Dr. Mahathir, scared he die, I don’t know what to say. [p/s today 26th June 2007-I think suddenly she thought I was an International journalist and decided to play it safe or go political on me…but I gave her chance ma…Chinese colloquial (now it auto-corrects) way of saying…she continues]. I saying Tun Dr. Mahathir am happy if alive. I told her, Mahal…( p/s today 26th June 2007- dunno..she continues) my black baju body fit, all don’t know what happened. I don’t know what happened to me.

Q: How many child
A: 1
Q: How old?
A: small baby – you know he answer but you ask me, (p/s today 26th June 2007- she cont.) ma – malayalee, 3 sis – elder sis, Melissa, Latha, Malathi, Yuvarani
Q: U. youngest
A: Bongsu anak manja (p/s today 26th June 2007-DT: youngest child loved in malay language; not DT: youngest pet). Father heart problem, very saying (p/s today 26th June 2007-DT: love in malay language), why your baju (p/s today 26th June 2007-DT: shirt/blouse/tee-shirt/anything-you-ware-on-your-body, my guru asked wherelese you ware and I say don’t know…tongue mauybe…going nuts….he!he!) inside out? …I like Tamil/Hindi songs & dance (I stare at her a moment) hobby. I love babies like ma. Theresa. (p/s today 26th June 2007 – I am writing furiously as she’s talking very fast).
Q: Do you know ma…( p/s today 26th June 2007 - I meant mother Theresa)
Q: Mother theresa

Just got called for medication. I am given (p/s today 26th June 2007 – the nurse wrote down) sgr. Lactulose ++

(p/s today 26th June 2007- I start writing in pink coz dunno where I left the blue pen)

An inmate just stopped me in the middle of my walk and sings

“Do you know what you looking for?”
(p/s today 26th June 2007 – am writing in full)
“Do you know what you hoping for?” etc. by Diana Ross and I shook my head and told her she too is my guru and hugged her shoulders.

Meisi is tied down and

(p/s today 26th June 2007 – I told her to write down the song as it touched my heart)

Do you know where you’re going to.
Do you like the things that life is showing (p/s today 26yh june 2007 –am beginning to cry thinking of her now as she misses her son…told not to have children but too late the message got to her)
Where are you going to, Do you know,
Do you like what you’re hoping for (p/s today 26yh june 2007- right now, its for Microsoft to auto aphrostophe …am laughing at spelling …wherever necessary…lazy to no…boring too to type written notes…I feel for typists…but sometimes its nice to just type while getting lost in onees own head uh!)
When you look behind, and there no open door
What area you are hoping for, Do you t
(p/s today 26th June 2007-she stopped and I continued)
{Siti Zaleha Sidek; R/N:1023041; i/c:600620-03-5140; D(p/s today 26th June 2007- got bullied by nose bugger and TV and DVD Player that need to be switched off coz the CD Elements of Earth by Vanraj Bhatia has just ended and I don’t have a CD player, so I use the DVD player and TV.... ok right? am cont.). O.A 11/6/07}

- I must buy this cassette and listen. Its by Diana Ross.
- I’ve given Siti a book that baskaran has bought and his pink pen (I love him for this & more) and told her (p/s today 26yh june 2007 – this is schizophrenia right?) to write something. She’s sitting on the floor and writing diligently. This is the same women who was tied down yesterday for attacking a staff…
She just wrote: (am laughing for repeating this so many times – its important to us - p/s today 26th June 2007 …dunno…the book is in a pile in the in-tray…another time…actually I was collecting autograph from my fellow in-mates as I was confident of going home the next day but that did not happen I tried the suicide by green towel thoughts I shared with you earlier today).

The other day Raja Khadijah read me Fatwa: it sounds: let me call her” (p/s today 26th June 2007-I cried when I heard it…I was a cry baby there…too much in the heart…as I am today too..thank you…she wrote in malay…please help yourselves to translation).

“Hukum yang terkandung di dalam undang2 ber-Raja yang berdaulat telah membuktikan keajaiban Allah. Tuhan semerta Alam. Daulat tuanku!!!”

Blok A-6-1
SRI GOTONG, Yang Ikhlas,
BATU CAVES, (p/s today 26TH june 2007-HER SIGNATURE)
SELAYANG, (RAJA KHADIJAH BT
SELANGOR RAJA MOHAMAD
NO Tel: 016-9798108 HANAFIAH)
RAJA KHATIJAH

(p/s today 26TH june 2007-my next victim is Anotniamma Jane and she writes)

“God Bless Forever You Will
health and goodness.

May Jesus Bless you and your Family. Jesus will coming soon.
Please ready for his coming.
Your Friend
Jane/Anthoniammal

(p/s today 26th June 2007-she stopped an continued in pink ink)
She doesn’t know its me she’s been waiting for. (p/s today 26th June 2007-yenna thimir – DT: what arrogance ma…Chinese collquail way of saying it…he!he!)

(p/s today 26th June 2007- Oh my gosh there’s more…later tonight…now)

This diary/story started out as something and

(p/s today 26th June 2007-Let me help with DTs-am going for a walk first – its now …oooopppss 27th June 2007 12.32am…don’t worry, I will or we will translate all for you today)

Nama: Khogila a/p Sugumar
Umur Saya: 23 tahun
Nama anak: Ahnu Suriya dan Thacanamurti
Nama Suami: Siva Balan
Ucapan Saya: naagal marupadiyum
Ondru sera vendum
Naa athu varai kartukonduerpan
Naa ippa kavalai paduvatu
En pellai en kida vantu sera
Vandum.
Naa ungalai santicatu
Rombasantosam
From
Khogila
Her signature

Alamat: No 9, Jalan Datong Danga, Taman Sentosa

Engalum ungal kanavarum
Santosama erukavandum.

[p/s today 27th June 2007- actually I am too lazy/bored to translate…please help yourselves – you can obtain English/malay and English/Tamil Dictionaries (got ah?) or get Microsoft to provide translation for above mentioned…gonna shower now and try typing another 5 pages later today…its now 1.00a.m. of 27th of June 2007 at Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia…please don’t show me shower ..what I mean is stop the cameras when I masuk (DT: enter) bathroom and toilet..thank you astro].