A word from Hemat …
The following flowed at the war-psy-1 (ward-psychiatry-1) of the General Hospital located at Kuala Lumpur. I was arrested by the police and kept at waiting room of a lock-up for 2 hours and then sent hand cuffed (at the back and the cuffs were tinged with pepper spray) to the hospital where I was dragged and dumped at a padded cell like a wild animal ( I just sat quietly on the hard cold floor, hand cuffed and all and meditated quietly). I spent 8 days and 8 nights there. I was arrested because 3 men of Indian origin, a female of Indian origin and a male of Chinese origin pushed/prodded/shouted/yelled/called-all-dirty-words-in-tamil-and-malay. I sprayed pepper spray on all Indians as the Chinese had left the building by then, as a result I was hit on the head by the Indian man with a plastic yellow colored chair that my head still hurts. It happened on 11th June 2007 noon or morning (unsure). I got myself to the Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital (half way through a kind gentlemen drove me there as I welfetl like faignting – almist blackede outa.f.dd,aoirqtil.,”;frtjpp that’s another story… Birds and Pigeons first before we speak about them and me and us.
Post script: 15th June 2007; dusk/night time; too drugged to notice much at that time…
Dear Diary,
· This pen sucks! Pink color – can you imagine? The staff here are nice today. Thye returned my UHT Dutch Lady Low Fat Chocolate Milk. Why? It ‘s so cold coz the fan is at high speed and is freezing my hairless skull. I once read:-
· “All heads are beautiful but the rest are covered with hair” hah!ha!ha! What a joke.
· “wa ai tanni ah wa ai tanni” (post script-when baskaran read this line, he was only interested in the word ‘tanni’ - DT – tamil colloquial way of way of saying alcohol –inilah yang dikatakan[(DT: this-lah is said; not DT: this is the meaning of) PROJECTION. =We see what we want to see and are so close sighted that we can’t see the way others view stuff]. By the way, is the moon real or just a projected hologram/light on the night/day sky?).
· “wa ai tanni ah wa ai tanni” (is a Chinese song that means…what ah?) sings a fellow inmate Pn. Mazna. She’s singing to another Chinese inmate ____________. Raja Khadijah and Sabariah are eating the chapatti that my husband whom I am trying to get rid off, baskaran bought earlier this evening. I don’t know why I am here. Sabariah just banged onto one of my crossed legs (right foot). I think Raja Khadijah who calls herself king is in infatuated with me. Perhaps this is how Baskaran’s (I am typing all as I wrote it at wad-psy-1 [ward-psychiatry-1] of the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital) relationship with Baharom started.
· I am planning to meet Mr. Karpal Singh on Tuesday (post script: Tuesday; 19th June 2007; He is a famed lawyer of the opposition political party called DAP – forgot) but I don’t know how? My drug given by the nurses ABILIFY-10mg & T.CLONAZEPAM (1mg yesterday and 0.5mg today [postscript: upon severe request from me and myselves]) is beginning to work. Rather drowsy. (P/s – Karpal Singhs PA Evelyn asked me to call him this week as he’s busy with the Altantuya Sharibu murder case against the police – is it?).
· Anotiniamma (post script: aka [also known as] Jane), the ward backbone is drying Kogilas hair under the fan. She’s a real do-gooder.
· The food here is nice. I think food in Malaysia nothing to complain about – dunno-lah!
· I don’t like this pen that baskaran has bought for me. He bought another blue pen which I have returned coz I only wanted 1 and he’s trying to spoil me again by giving unnecessary & excessive stuff instead of returning.
· Maisy Cheah – nursing golden cares at 106, Jalan Gasing wants hymn book and bible left at bottom drawer and she want me to help her collect it. How? She wants me to ask my brother who is coming to see me tomorrow morning…
· I am so happy to see my UHT Low Fat Dutch Lady Chocolate Milk back in my drawer. It’s a sure sign that I am beginning to be accepted by the nurses here. I feel happier here. However I am looking forward to going home to prepare my CV to start work at WWFM – World Wildlife Find for Nature Conservation Malaysia – traffic team, if I am accepted because I’ve been and am still at psychiatric ward of the Malaysian Government. Who will accept me a mental patient/inmate to work with them? Now I am sad. I hope Dr. Kamisah will help me give a good report. She’s a wonderful woman who listens to me. I hope the nurses won’t touch my body in my drugged stupor.
· p/s last night, I left my pen in my shirt pocket but in the morning I found it in my bag left in the custody of nurses… How uh!
· 16th June ’07 7.05am. It has been 5 days since I came to this prison. Life gets more and more depressing as I can breath well due to the walls that are closing in on me.
· Post script: Oh! My! Gosh! Aiyoh kadavuleh (DT & not DT: Oh My God), like a boltning of lightining, I just got it,our next task is to safe all the peigeons..ssorry…birds in Malaysia and to start with pigeons in the General Hospital of Kuala Lumpur and Kuala Pilah…they told me what to do and I just got the message…aip; oh! I blame the drugs for this ssslllloooowwwwww-ness…sorry docs.
· Post script: U know, I saw a footless pigeon at the hospital when I was awarded the psychiatric treatment and on the last night/evening, and at night, I was actually contemplating suicide…I stop the above mentioned writings and go straight to the point – to the last day of my stay at the wad-psy-1 of the General Hospital (GH) of Kuala Lumpur (KL).
18/6/07-Monday (Time? Night time after azan prayers)
1st class – wad-psy-1, GH, KL
I am now locked into a tiny space that can now be considered my new home. I am sitting on my single bed looking out window with bars and locked…actually I am too sad to write in English today as I want to express myself in Tamil. I think that in my deepest sorrow, Tamil language is my only solace.
Baskaran refused to bring my notebook OSHO despite me having permission from the ‘sister’ – nurse in blue uniform. I am still crying in my heart or rather my heart is in paid (Post script: PAIN; I NEED TO go on Tamil here…apologies if you don’t understand but I think you should get a Tamil/English Dictionary…ooopppsss…sorry if you don’t understand Tamil…please get it translated, if I am in a good mood, I will/may translate and post it another time or maybe later in the morning…dunno-lah! Lets see how the flow goes at the end…did you know that I used to have another name: Thamilmany; my full name used to be AMARAVATHY @ THAMILMANY d/o SIVALINGAM until a kind officer of the Givernment dropped the 2nd name; the first name belonged to my fathers mother – my grandmoa…another time, now its my turn…I AM Romanizing the tamil writing coz don’t know how to type in tamil):-
IRAIVAA NEEYEH VARUVAAI THAANE,
POGUM UYIRAI THADAI SEIVAYEH,
UYIR VENDUM UDALUKKAAGA,
EN UDHAL VHENDUM UYIRUKKAAGA,
PALAMURAI POGEH VHENDIYEH NAAN,
POGEH MUDYAAMAL THANGGINEN, KAARANAM
EN UDHAL MEL KATHAL, ANBU, PANBU,
EN UDHAL EN IRAIVAN, EN GURU,
EN YAAVUM EN UDHALEH,
POOVULAGHIL MAABERUM SHAKTI KONDA
KADAVUL EN UDHAL,
AASAI THEERAMAL AVALAI VITTU PIRIVATHU
YEPPADI,
MUDHIYAVILLAI, PAARIYIL UDHALUKKU
ONDRU MILLAA IDHAI
THEVAI KANANI, VERONDRUM ILLAI,
THARAMAATHEIN YENBATHU YEIN?
VARATTHU GOWRAWAM, THAAN YENDRA THIMIR,
AGAMBHAWAM, PORAAMAI YENDRA ARAKKAN
AVAN AZHIYA, NAAN VAZHA ALLA,
NAAN AZHIYA, AVAN VAZHA,
KANTHAA, KADAMBAA, KATHIRVELAVANEH,
EESAAH, MAINTHAA, MARAI NAYAGHANEH,
EN UYIRUKKUM UYIRAANE BHAGAWHANEH,
EN ANBU OSHO THEIVAMEH,
EN MAHAANEH, YAAVUM EN GURU
EN AMARAVATHIYEH, BHATHIL YENNA?
VAZHI YENNA? KANANIYAA? MARANAMAA?
SIRU INBAM ANUBAVIKKA IYALAA VAZHKAI
NILAVAI POLL ALLAVAA?
YEIN IVVALAVU VARATCHI
UNMAI PARISAA ALLATHU
ANBIN PINAIPPAA?
INDRU MANNAI VITTU SELVATHE MHEL
PHOGUM IDHAM VEGHU THOORAMILLAI
KADHALIL IRANGGI MUZHUGI
KANMOODI, POI VIDHUVEN NAAN
EN ANBU ISANUDAN/BHAGAWANUDAN
All I wish for right now is DEATH! I welcome the departure to ………………
I have no more love to give. My last battle with baskaran is over and I am done with this barren world. I am going to close my eyes and request for a speedy departure from this barren earth. I am sorry to the footless pigeon, bouginvillas, starlings, sun birds and the sun and the sky___
The green towel may hold an answer to my departure.
Post Script.
I survived that night. I was given home leave the next morning but baskaran would only come in the evening without any change of clothes for me as he wanted me to be imprisoned there for another 2 weeks. The nurses were kind enough to give me a pants and a blouse (I forgot to return them today…I will in 2 weeks time-if I remember- I think I need an assistant…cannot-lah…why?...no money…he!he!) and I was given a splendid spend off by existence, it felt damn good to be in the open that I am still savoring that MOMENT/feeling. Actually I thought of hanging myself using one of the many towels that baskaran had bought for me from the shower head located at the bathroom but decided against it because I just couldn’t ok. So, I came out of my room went to the nurses teary eyed and told them that I am in crisis and that I wanted to die. They immediately called the doctor on call who was praying and she came after 10 minutes. I went back to the room and continued feeling miserable. Then the nurses came and called me out to speak to her and she asked me what stopped me from dying and I told her “FEAR OF WHAT’S AFTER DEATH but I am over coming it”. I liked her because she listened and was very understanding. I felt relieved to have had such conversation/dialogue with her that I was grateful to existence for having her as the doctor on call on that particular night. THANK YOU to me! Look at that…yennaa oru thimir (DT: what one arrogance; not DT: such arrogance).
Anyway, the plights of the birds need to be addressed here. Did you know that there are birds visiting Malaysia from all over the world? They stop by at places like Pulau Kukup in Johor, Cape REchardo of Port Dickson (I think); Kuala Gula of Perak (I think) etc. on their way to south/north/east/west to have some food and vine..oopss…its water. These places are their watering hole (what’s with this word, who coined it? It sounds so funny and does not make sense and yet I use it because I was a Public Relations person before and we are meant to use it…tcheh…no more). I believe many places of interest to these birds have been flattened for buildings and other development projects. Imagine them flying all the way from Russia or China or Alaska – non stop for about 1 month (I think) fantasizing about food in the mud-flats//beaches/etc. of Malaysia and flying earnestly. Then they drop on the particular spot for a rest and look around and it’s a power plant (like in Klang) or a terminal or KLIA (is it?). Poor bastards will have no choice but to just drop dead and volunteer death right? I feel for them.
Did you know what happened to Taej Mundkur? He was sent off to live in Pune by Malaysia and what a lost to our country. He was one of the most passionate ornithologists (waterbird expert) that I have ever met. I learned so much about birds from him. Before I continue, I need to read one of the Wetland Wonders issues that I edited with the help of Dr. Mundkur [(PhD In ornithology) and I propose another phd on human diplomacy) on migratory water birds.
I include following excerpts from Wetland Wonders; issue no.7 published on 29th December 1996 in Sunday Style of the News Straits Times, Peninsular Malaysia.
“A Word from Hemat…
Folks, I just saw a Terek Sandpiper fly by! Yes, we are going bird-watching to get to know our migratory friends. Every year thousands and thousands of birds stop by in Malaysia but are we a good host to them? Read on and find out. This months…”
I lied, I have never gone bird watching as Dr. Mundkur did, I just walked around and saw birds flying around and listened to them, therefore I was not an ardent bird watcher…actually ardent bird watchers like Koji Tanaka, Dr. Joost (it sounds yeos) Van der Van, Mr. John Howes, Mr. John Davies, Tony Sebastian, Rebecca De’Cruz, Mr. Faizal Duncan Parish, Roger Jaench and more and the people at the Bird Club (I think-my head still hurts from the beating) of the Malaysian Nature Society are of a different breed…it’s like a cult…they gather, huddle and hold hands and creep into jungles just to spot a bird and to quietly/silently snap pix of them and pass it around as if its their new born baby…AMAZING people and I love them for that.
You know Koji was with Wetlands International and we were at Costa Rica together with Dr. Sundari, Faizal, Dr. Mundkur, etc. in 1999. He wanted the challenge of snooping into the jungles of Costa Rica to snap a pix of a quadtzel – apparently it’s the most beautiful bird in the whole wide world and an endemic species (only found at Costa Rica) of Costa Rica (I think) – he was so disappointed because it was just sitting on a tree by the road side and he missed creeping and tripping in the beautiful forests of Costa Rica. That’s’ what I mean by it’s a cult, they love the challenge of the forests/jungles.
I too love the challenge but for different reasons, I just love the quiet/peaceful noise of the forests, that I once got lost with my ex-boy friend Devendra and a Thai guide called Nik at the forests located at the border of Thailand/Myanmar - close to a town called Mae Hong Son…another time.
I believe Dr. Joost Van der Van is still creeping/snooping in the forests/jungles of Mongolia looking for a legendary/myth of a white Mongolian Duck – he loved big birds and he too thought me so much especially about wine and japanese food. Another time…he deserves a chapter all by itself…
Actually all conservationist deserve a chapter each but the birds need our attention.
I saw another pigeon at the GH with human hair stuck on both her feet, almost tying the feet together. I tried to call her through the locked bars to release her from her misery but she refused. Then I saw another pigeon without a foot. What does this means? People are ignorant. They don’t know how to care for the environment at the GH’s around the country. The pigeons have no homes to stay just as I was last month that I had to stay at hotels. They are just perched at walls around the hospital being fed unnatural food and provided unnatural environment for themselves just like the inmates of wad-psy-1 of GH, KL.
I involved the whole country because my mother/and pigeons of Kuala Pilah too told me some stories at that town. Apparently the local Malay community had destroyed a pigeon hut/house/hole to build a balai raya (DT: public hall). Since then the pigeons have taken refuge at the nearby GH where I think unnatural food and environment is provided for them. The pigeons told me that they wanted a home at the corner house belonging to a person of Chinese origin located close to the public hall. Can someone help them? Please speak to the owner for a small piece of land. Build a home for the pigeons and pay the owner to feed the pigeons because they liked him otherwise they would not have chosen his house…he’s hardly at home - I think. According to my ma, the owner sells pork at the local market and is a very busy man. Don’t know if he has a wife. Please find out..why? don’t know…I know but I won’t tell because I shy!
They are homeless and miserable and voiceless. I would like to build a home for them but will the owner allow? I am going to speak to him soon. I now have some cash from the Insurance policies that I sold but I won’t tell how much because I don’t want to be advised on how to spend my money. I know you care but I know what I need to survive in this barren earth. I only buy what I need and I can’t conform to buy what you think I need. Thank you anyway.
My plea (se) to the GH management is as I said in my letter… please employ an environmental conservationist to address all issues related to the plants, birds, air, water, sun, atoms, fire, lights, energy, renewable energy, source-less energy, energy-saving-bulbs/lighting, inmates of wad-psy, livable conditions for all, world, universe/multiverse, etc. to address the pressing issues of abuse (mental, physical, …there’s more but I forgot as my head still hurts – perhaps a concussion – no – memory loss – maybe), if I may, in chronological order:
1. Provide homes for all birds in the vicinity of the hospital.
2. Provide bird bath and bath tubs for patients (or patience) / inmates.
3. Water plants/trees.
4. Plug all steam/gas venting holes in the vicinity. Please don’t allow leakage of gases/fumes/water.
5. Change the entire lighting system to energy saving tubes (are there energy saving fluorescent lights or they themselves are energy saving)/lights. Illuminate wards with lights from IKEA.
6. Provide filtered water for all patients/inmates.
7. Remove fire hosts from wards.
8. Never tie patients up and let them soak in their own pee.
9. Ensure that all nurses go for courses on compassion and joy – just recommend them to read or make it wajib (DT: compulsory) to read OSHO’s books on creativity, awareness, joy, compassion, intuition, maturity, courage, intelligence, intimacy, body mind balancing, etc. You can buy them all at Kinokuniya located above the Cinema at Suria Shopping centre KLCC and/or at WWW.OSHO.COM. PLEASE log onto that site and check out all outlets that sell OSHO’s books around the world, also subscribe to their free newsletter as they send articles of such importance to the nurses on a regular basis. Do you have internet facility at the general hospitals? I know that the Pantai Medical Centres were going on-line only in 2001/2002 (is it?). I have a bone to pick with them, another time…
10. Just employ me.
Good morning and the call of the cocks (chicken are awake as it is 5.57am now) around this areas is so sweet and heartening. Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Kuala Lumpur/Malaysia. I am back with venom and vengeance. Is it? Or back with more love and compassion? Let’s see how I treat baskaran today…he said he will take some time out to see me this evening. Since Pavin is also visiting me today, I may reside in my heart and you and baskaran may be spared. Ha!ha!ha! Good morning and I love you all earth people of the world/universe/multiverse.
“I am too bullied to do the translation from Tamil to Englsih, please help yourselves”
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